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The Funniest (And Stupidest) Quotes Of 2006 From Funnypoetry.Com – Sports, Entertainment And More
“This week a 100-year-old Tennessee man got married for the third time this time to a 68-year-old woman. When asked why he was marrying a woman 32 years his junior, the man stated: ‘Yes, I would love a sandwich.'”
- Amy Poehler, of Weekend Update, on Saturday Night Live
“I really believe in infrastructure spending… I amortize my shoes over 20 years.”
- Canada’s BC Provincial Finance Minister Carole Taylor explaining why she wore $ 600 new Gucci shoes when presenting the annual spending budget.
“We wanted to keep him off the bases.”
- manager Charlie Manuel (Phillies) explains Jose Reyes’ (Mets) 3 home runs in one particular game.
Q: “You’re the player. We like to hear it from the horse’s mouth.” A: (Roddick): “Go acquire a horse.”
“Properly, I really feel he shatters the myth of white supremacy once and for all!” 
- Rep. Charlie Rangel, following being asked his opinion of President George W. Bush
“I got to party and socialize at an Olympic level.”
- Bode Miller, the U.S. Olympic skier who went zero for 5 on Olympic gold.
“Really should I go and get a ruler?”
- LOST”s Kate [Evangeline Lilly], editorializes about a testosterone contest among Jack [Matthew Fox] and Sawyer [Josh Holloway].
“My No. 1 aim is to not go to jail.”
- Congresswoman-elect Michele Bachmann (R, MN)
“If you are not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin.”
- Representative Katherine Harris (R, FL)
“Paddy was in the wrong place at the wrong time by the appear of the photographs he was also with a person who was hungrier than he was.”
- Neil Warnock discusses (Sheffield United goalkeeper) Paddy Kenny’s biting loss of one particular eyebrow in a restaurant.
“I have noticed a marked difference in the way that people respond to me when I am wearing my colours.”
- testimony of Hells Angels member Ricky Ciarniello in a legan action against an Ontario, Canada court choice that the Angels constitute a criminal organization, saying this unfairly exposing him to fear, loathing and ridicule. The ruling stood. (The original Canadian spelling of “colours” right here is not a mistake – or at least, a extremely old 1 by now.)
“Drowning has often been my largest worry.”
- Janina Peters, lifeguard.
“Russian girls are not extremely good for figure skating. They are very good for building rail tracks in Siberia, for instance.”
- Alexei Mishin, champion Evgeni Plushenko’s coach.
“I believe in my heart that if Jesus were alive these days he would be carrying out the identical thing.”
- Madonna justifies which includes mock crucifixion in her stage performances.
“Cheney’s defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy: which indicates that Cheney now has the worst aim of anybody in the White Residence given that Bill Clinton.”
- Jay Leno
Tennis star Roddick about playing the retiring Agassi: Q: “Do you feel relief that [it] is not going to occur?” A: (Roddick): “Obviously you want to play against your idols, but then once more you don’t want to be the guy who shot Bambi.”
“A massive-city feel, but redneck-friendly.”
- tourism slogan suggested by President Tim Newman of the Regional Visitors Authority of Charlotte, N.C., U.S.
“He scares our German shepherd to death when we are at property so we come here.”
- Sue Mihalyi, explaining why she and her husband Mark watch Steeler games at a local Pittsburgh restaurant. The Steelers won the Superbowl in 2006 without having her rug suffering.
“Your child, at birth, currently has a deeply complex relationship with his mother, so for the very first year you are only a curiosity. As the years go by you will turn into an amusement-park ride. Then, a referee. And lastly, a bank.”
- Things a Man Must Know About Fatherhood, Esquire magazine
“[African-American Maryland Lt. Gov. Michael Steele has made] a career of slavishly supporting the Republican Party.”
- Steny Hoyer, (D, MD)
“Maintain away from the Australian ladies or else you will finish up in prisons.”
- guidance to his athletes from the Ugandan sports director
“She’s fairly aggressive in our cars. Specifically if you catch her at the appropriate time of the month she could be trading plenty of paint out there.”
- Ed Carpenter, IRL racing driver describes Danica Patrick.
“I’m glad he’s showing some character.”
– Danica Patrick about Ed Carpenter, later that very same day.
Madonna about her rep for being difficult: “What is the difference amongst a pop star and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.”
“I told the producers I’d give my left nut to host this thing.”
- Lance Armstrong, opening the 2006 ESPY Awards
“Actions which are not compatible with western standards.”
- ABC news becoming politically correct while describing Hamas suicide bombings.
“He a quite wise man and quite sturdy – despite the fact that possibly not so robust as his father Barbara.”
- Borat describes the President
“I don’t support our troops….When you volunteer for the U.S. military, you pretty a lot know you are not going to be fending off invasions from Mexico and Canada.”
- Joel Stein, Los Angeles Instances columnist
“I stated a small prayer ahead of I actually did the fingerprint point, and the picture and my prayer was fundamentally, ‘Let individuals see Christ via me, and let me smile.'”
- (Former Republican Home Majority Leader) Tom DeLay gets his mug shot.
“One thing else I’ve learned about Secretary Rice is she loves the cool Atlantic breezes here in Nova Scotia, and she left the window open last night.”
- Canada’s Conservative Foreign Minister Peter MacKay, amidst rumors that the two had a small a thing goin’ on.
“When you are inviting folks, you do not have to tell them this is a cold spot.”
- Canada’s BC Premier Gordon Campbell, trying to tone down 2010 Olympic promotions.
“Of course, some of it could be cops just watching the game and not responding.”
- Geoffrey Alpert, University of South Carolina criminologist, about (his) analysis showing a decline in crimes throughout the Super Bowl.
“We ship to all correctional institutions.”
- A US bookstore sign, in the age of the Web.
“The public doesn’t have a proper to know something.”
- RCMP spokesperson Staff Sargent John Ward responds to reporters’ queries about Ian Bush’s death in custody.
Q: “How different was it holding up that plate nowadays than in Australia?” Amelie Mauresmo: “It really is a different trophy. It’s round it’s smaller.”
“Thanks to all the perverts who voted for me.”
- Jessica Alba, accepting MTV’s award for the Sexiest Efficiency in a Film (Sin City.)
“For some men and women, playing a bipolar nymphomaniac could have been a challenge, but for me, I feel I just played myself.”
- Isla Fisher, accepting MTV’s award for the year’s Breakthrough Efficiency (Wedding Crashers.)
“The publication of these cartoons will result in the world to tremble. Fire will be all through the globe if they don’t stop.”
- English Islamic leader Dr Azam Tamimi
“1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d!”
- tee shirt
“I think a relationship with a partner is intensely individual and I favor to maintain it that way.”
- Paul McCartney (early in the divorce.)
“We’ve gone via more hardships than the Jews and Charlie Brown place with each other.”
- Homer to Marge, re marriage counseling, on The Simpsons
“To the vice president’s credit, he did personal up to it: on FOX News he stated the fault was his he can not blame anyone else. Boy it really is amazing the only time you get accountability out of this administration is when they are in fact holding a smoking gun.”
- Bill Maher
“Any essential Republican who comes out and says they did not know me is practically undoubtedly lying.”
- convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff
“It really is difficult to forget the day you give up your Independence.”
- Greg Zamlule, a US citizen, explains why he chose to get married on July 4, the very same day he entered a 5k race. 
“There’s usually the opportunity that he’ll just keep on operating.”
- his fiance, Leslie Evans.
“We want to make it clear that if the Pope does not appear on Tv and apologize for his comments we will blow up all of Gaza’s churches.”
- a reply from the Sword of Islam terrorists, distressed by the Pope’s speech which seemed to associate Islam and violence centuries ago.
“You can constantly get new teeth.”
- Teemu Selanne, a Finnish hockey player who sacrificed three whites throughout a quarterfinal with the US.
“McDreamy is performing the McNasty with McHottie? That McBastard!”
- George on Grey’s Anatomy
“It’s just basketball. They are not the Large Negative Wolf and we’re not the Three Small Pigs. We’re all grown men.”
- Cavaliers forward LeBron James, re Detroit
“Here we have an organization supposedly dedicated to preventing cruelty in fact inflicting cruelty to an animal to raise funds to supposedly stop cruelty to animals.”
- Paul Watson, founder of the Sea Shepherd Society on the Prince Rupert, BC, Canada’s SPCA’s program to host a crab boil as a fund-raiser for the animal shelter.
“In the West Bank a group calling itself the Lions of Monotheism firebombed 4 churches, telling the Related Press, ‘The attacks … were carried out to protest the Pope’s remarks linking Islam and violence.’ The irony – and this is often the case, we discover – was entirely lost on them.”
- The Day-to-day Show’s Jon Stewart
“Yeah, he looked sorry when he was out there carrying out doughnuts.”
- Matt Kenseth declines an apology from Jeff Gordon, who bumped Kenseth out of the way on the Chicagoland Speedway.
“Years ago, you utilized to get out and fight and run around and chase each other with a jackhammer and stuff like that. These had been the very good old days.”
- Dale Earnhardt Jr., on track etiquette in the days just before NASCAR’s sponsors started to fuss about driver conduct.
“You’d like it. Puppies get killed.”
- The LOST character Sawyer [Josh Holloway] summarizes “Of Mice and Males” for Henry Gale [Michael Emerson] (a killer-of-bunnies.)
“Following 45 years of this crap I’ve just started to appreciate it.”
- Pete Townshend, the WHO summarizes a career.
“Football’s a difficult enterprise and aren’t they prima donnas?”
- Queen Elizabeth II
And that’s the FunnyPoetry.com funny quote summary for 2006 – the year that Britain finally paid back the last of the funds it borrowed from the U.S. and Canada during WW II, according to CNN. And why did that take so long? The interest rate was two%, that is why. (By the way, Britain’s WW I debts had been by no means completely repaid.) On to 2007, which looks ripe to generate many far more fine quotes: if for no other cause than that 25% of Americans count on the return of Jesus in the coming year according to an Connected Press-AOL News poll.
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